To help another be made free?
To put ahead another's needs?
Such does love require of me.
One of the most powerful things we have talked about at church lately is asking ourselves the question What does love require of me? I've found that it helps me when I add the words "this week" or "today" or "in association with (enter name)" to the end of that question. It's like planning out a step-by-step plan to accomplishing a goal that may otherwise be broad and unattainable.
As I reflect on certain people and situations, I've realized a few themes that are pretty consistent.
1. For me, loving people means saying no.
If you know me at all, you know I keep a pretty full schedule. But in very small increments, I have been learning that I have to pick priorities, and it's benefiting all parties involved. Yes, I have to miss something, but it means that all of my time, effort, and attention can focused on the one I chose. There are still times I book myself back to back, but it's less often, and I still try to make it two things that are laid back and not stressful.
2. Loving people means figuring out how to love myself.
I was recently reminded of the commandment that reads "Love your neighbor as yourself", and I realized I may not actually know what that means. It seems like "loving one's self" would just turn into an inwardly-focused self-righteous ego boost. But if we are going to love our neighbor, we have to learn to love ourselves in a healthy way. I think if love is patient, that means being patient with ourselves when we make mistakes or can't figure something out. If it does not keep record of wrongs, then let the past go. As a pastor once said, "Learn from it, laugh at it, and let it go." When we are able to put these things to practice when it comes to our own baggage and choices, we will much more easily be able to treat others the same way.
3. Loving people means being vulnerable with them.
My Sunday School teacher said once that loving people, was to let down our emotional defenses. Yes, I must do so in wisdom, but I have to understand that to get to the heart of someone, I have to break down some walls first.
4. Love requires holding my tongue.
HA! As a pretty opinionated person, this one makes me both cringe and chuckle at the same time! Sometimes, a situation comes down to two choices: being humble and making a point. I'm not saying you can't make a valid point in a humble way, but sometimes keeping my mouth closed is the best way to have a conversation. Also, sometimes I just need to say nothing to allow the other person to express their thoughts and opinions.
5. Sometimes, love requires me to not get what I want.
We live in a culture that thinks they "deserve" everything. In fact, we don't deserve anything. When we let go of the idea that we are "owners" of our resources and begin to see ourselves as "stewards" of what God has given us, we will begin to live a more generous lifestyle. It allows us to give freely what is needed by another. It allows us to make intentional use of our time. It allows us to live with a heart of service.
"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility, value others above yourselves."
Philippians 2:3