For me, this year has already started off filled with joy, challenge, and inspiration. I spent a few of the first days at a worship conference, during which I took some time to think through where I want to go this year, what I hope to accomplish, and what I want to focus on. So, here are a few "resolutions" I came up with.
1. To let go of perfection
One thing I've learned about myself in recent years is that I'm an emotional "hoarder". I don't seem to want to let anything go. I hold onto relationships where the other person isn't putting in effort, I hold onto gazillions of "keepsakes" because I don't want to forget ANYTHING, and I hold in my memory the nicest compliments I've been given. I also have a tendency to remember every mistake I've ever made. I think at some point in my life, I exchanged "excellence" with "perfection," and while I was chanting "no one's perfect" as part of our church motto, I was still living like I was going to reach a state of sinlessness. I just want to remember that trying to live righteously like Christ calls us to is motivated by His grace towards us and not our desire to be credited with perfection.
2. To stop living in fear
There are 365 Scriptures that command against fear. The Lord has made perfectly clear that He doesn't want us to fear. Also, I know that the phrase "trust in the Lord" appears its fair share of times as well. So where do I get away with living my life in fear of anything? I have let fear plague me for too long, and I'm going to make a conscious effort this year to stop it in its tracks and turn it back to how I can trust God. One thing I've realized lately is that I say I'm willing to lay down my life for the Lord, but then I avoid everything that could possibly bring me to that place. I have clenched my life too tightly, and it's time to let go. God works through open hands, not tight fists. I believe God is good, I believe God is sovereign, and I believe God has won the battle against death. Things of this world are not as important as I've made them, and I want to live freely in the knowledge that this in not my home.
3. To stop apologizing for having emotions
I was once told by a friend that, "we are the body of Christ, and every body has a heart." I am fairly expressive, emotionally. In worship, I'm a hand-raiser. In friendships, I'm a hugger. In loss, I'm a crier. That's just how I was created. For some time now, I've felt a pressure to hold back emotions for the sake of not being "too emotional." I've wanted to avoid the fact that I had emotions by trying to hide them. But not addressing emotions and tryijng to unnaturally stifle them causes pressure on me internally, and I end up feeling frustrated that I can't stop having them. So, this year, I'm going to stop apologizing for being created as a woman of emotions, and instead thank God that He gave me a way to express passion for life. Sure, I'll pray for patience and self-control, think before I speak, and choose my battles, but I'll also focus on the ways that the Lord can use my emotions instead of wishing them away.
4. To let go of good things
I've been accused once or twice (or a few hundred times) of being too busy and not haviing balance. So, the last few weeks, I've taken some time to think through my schedule and how it gets the way it is. One thing I've noticed is that my schedule is typically filled with GOOD things. There are a lot of Jesus-activities. That's cool, but Beth Moore said something this week at the Passion worship conference that has stuck with me. She said, "we can't set aside our Bibles to be more like Jesus; it doesn't work that way." One of my biggest challenges last year was consistently reading my Bible. I want to say that I didn't "have" time, but you know where I'm going with this. I didn't choose time. I chose other things. I chose staying up too late socializing so I couldn't wake up early to read the Bible. I chose time building intentional relationships with people in my life while going two weeks without touching my Bible. In my book, that's a problem. If I want to say I trust God and follow my WHOLE LIFE based on His Word, I have to KNOW HIM. So this year, I'm going to make sure that when I'm lacking time for the word that I cancel something, even good things, to adjust the balance.
Laugh. Inspire. Believe. Love.